Isn't it insane?

In four months, I have completely met someone entirely new, and completely fallen for him. It makes me wonder how it's possible to learn so much about one person in the matter of such a short amount of time. But I did. I wonder what you did to make me fall so head over heals, but I realized, IT'S EVERYTHING. It's like... whatever I'm missing in my life, you fill in. You're the part of me that I now need to keep myself sane. You're the part of me that I never want to let go. If I didn't have you, I would feel as though half of myself would be completely gone. AH! I don't wanna think about it. Life would suck balls.

It's insane to think that I could ever be away from him. Two days... and I DIED.


Seriously, I don't think it's possible to ever let you leave my life.

I honestly want to say this now. Whatever happens to us, I not only want, but I need us to continue to stay in each others lives. I hope that we can stay together forever (and it's insanity to think that it's already possible to want to be with someone for that long... but with you, anything is possible). Forever and always.

No matter where life takes us, I need you to be apart of mine. I don't think you truly understand... you complete me. You're the boyfriend I've always dreamed of having. You're the boyfriend I've always wanted, and never thought I'd get. You're literally everything I need. I can't stand being apart from you for five seconds. Every time we say goodbye, no joke, the second I see your car gone, I miss you. I really have an amazing feeling about us. I'm willing to do anything it takes to make you happy. GOD! I'm just so fucking crazy about you, it's almost ridiculous.

I'm so happy. I FINALLY got a valentine this year :)
The big four month is coming up.
This weekend should be amazing!

So much stuff to look forward toooooooo!
I love it.
I love this.
I love you.

End of story.

Why is it

that no matter what circumstances you're in, someone isn't happy. I really hate the situation that everyone has been put in. I really don't want to feel like I'm the reason that people are losing friendship. I really wasn't trying to make you lose a friendship. It just hurts to see the same person you told you have feelings for, that is in fact still trying to get at you, go and hang out with you. Why? Cause I'm fucking worried. I don't trust her. I think she is a fantastic person, and I really wish she would get over you that way you can be legitimate friends again. But I don't fucking trust her. This whole keep your friends close, enemy's closer bullshit, shouldn't be happening. It sucks for me, just as much as you to be put in this situation. I want her wanting you, to stop. I mean, at over three and a half months, you'd think she'd get the picture right? It's just not fair that even though it should be done with, it's kinda not. It's the same situation that's been going on for months, and no one is seeming to end it. If she really truly cared about you, she would have seen that you're happy and backed off. Any respectable girl would have done that. Yes, even though she does have strong feelings for you, if she REALLY cared, she would wait. If things didn't work out, then yes, she should definitely pursue you. But it's pretty fucked up for me, and you. All she's done is cause problems between you and I. All she's done is fuck with everyone's heads. If you think about it, every action she's done, IS FUCKED UP. I don't know. I hate that this still must continue. But if it has to, for you... I will sit back, and give you two time to become better friends and I guess work this thing out. Just please don't fuck me over. Really. My heart is already too far in this. I don't want to end up hurt. I love you so much. And I'm sorry if I'm the cause of something as big as a friendship to end. I hope it doesn't. All I want is to see you happy. And I'll do literally whatever it takes, to make sure you are. I hate that I can be happy, yet always, you're not. It makes me sad cause I feel that even if it has nothing to do with me, it's still my fault. I feel like whatever I do, somehow you still don't end up happy. And I hate that. I want US to be happy. Not just me...

So like I said. Do whatever you have to do to assure yourself that you can make your senior year amazing and completely unforgettable. I love you.

Just some thoughts.

I think being with you is the best thing that's ever happened to me.

I think that you continue to even more amazing as the months go on.

I think it's amazing that all this "drama" that's been going on, is finally pretty much done with. We're over it. And we can moooove on. Thank the Lord.

I think that you need to take faster showers.

And I not only think, but rather, I KNOW, I love you.







This is what I've been thinking about all day.

:)

Happiness

has finally taken over me and I feel absolutely amazing. One person has never been able to make me this happy, nor has been able to keep up with all my constant retarded spasms, my constant giggles, and my constant laziness. You're the only person I can spend every Sunday with in bed, all day. Waking up at 12, and just laying there until the sun goes down. Even though it's so simple and easy, it's so perfect at the same time. It's never boring. EVER. I can't even describe the feelings you have given me. I feel like each day there is something I look forward to. Seeing your face every morning makes everything ten times better. I can be in the worst mood, and you're the only one who can bring sunshine into my life :) You constantly find a way to always keep me wanting more. I can be with you every hour of the week, and the second we separate, I want you back. I want you next to me. I want you to keep touching me. I want... ah! I don't know how much I can ask for, cause you've given me just about everything I need. And I love that you've been able to make me feel this way. For you, it seems to effortless. Everything you do is right, and everything you do is perfect! It's nuts! I must be the luckiest girl in the world, cause everyone waits soooo long to find someone as amazing as you, and I just happened to get you so soon. Right now, words can't even begin to compare to how much I love you. I've never been in love, and look at me now. Head over heals for Emmerzon Hernandez. I thought it would never happen to me, and then you came along and changed that. You made me realize that love isn't just in movies, or songs, or whatever the fuck else they are in. You have shown me the best thing in the world, and I never wanna look back on what my life was before. I could never go back to the way things were before I met you. Cause not once was I ever this happy. I love that I can watch you pee, I love that you bring out the crazy horny-aggressive side in me, I love that you can make me go crazy without even trying. I love everything that we do together. Smoking hookah in front of Del Taco. Getting drunk... and making love on the floor. Getting naked. Getting cray cray at raves. Smoking the ganga. Getting sick and buying medicine at the Dollar Tree. Debating on buying a pregnancy test. Having sex during the day. Driving your car. The list goes on.

I think the main reason why I keep bringing that whole situation up, is cause I'm scared of getting hurt again. I don't want that whole incindent to EVER happen again. Cause this time... my heart's in it ten times more. It hurt me the first time, yes, but it would just be so much worse. I'm sorry. I know I can trust you. I just really don't trust anyone else. There's no one else that I can EVER trust again. I have my three best friends. Yet, you still know more than they do. That's never happened before. Ha, baby. I love you so fucking much it almost hurts. This is insane. You're just so perfect. I know I freak out about things, but I just don't want you to realize... that you are so much better than I am? If that's how I'm suppossed to phrase it. Ha, I just feel like you're to good to be true, and I DO NOT want anyone to try and take that away from me. Cause you're all I got now-a-days. You're the only one I can rely on. You're the only one that I just want to be with forever. AH!

Babe, I love you so much. SO FUCKING MUCH.
:)


























THE END.

Ain't no other man

but YOU.


Okay, you leave me speechless. Everything you do. Everything you say. Every little thing about you is so ridiculously perfect. I can't even describe how lucky I am that I have you. I still feel like this one big dream that I'm gonna wake up to. I'm REALLY hoping it's not though. If I truly didn't have you in my life every minute of the day, I would be going absolutely insaaane. I love the way everything happens. It all happens for a reason. And I believe that you're the reason of something amazing. Can't exactly figure it out. But I think you were given to me because... well, you're a definitely a life-changer. You've changed mine in so many ways and I've learned so much. And I can't wait to see what else happens! I don't regret anything I've shared with you, and really... I really think there's soooo much more I could share with you.

I want YOU forever.
I don't need anyone else
I don't want anyone else
... as long as I have you.

Haha, once again, I've cought myself babbling :P


The moral to the story; I'm in love.

I can't go

two minutes without missing you.

Still bringing me down...

I hate that you are materialistic, I hate that you only think and care about money, I hate that you try to be my dad. You aren't. You never will be. I've done my best to try and keep you happy, but I don't get why I continue to do this, when I don't get any of that in return. If you respected me the way you should, you would not be doing some of the shit that you are. I'm sorry you don't have kids of your own, but seriously, it's just annoying that you're trying to take the place of the man that I'm closest with in my life. I hate that you have done this to him. I hate that you always talk shit on him. YOU DON'T FUCKING KNOW HIM. You and my mom are the problem. You always have been. You lied to the court, and you were the cause of him going into debt. Now, he doesn't have the stability to change it. Mom, don't deny it. You fucked him over. And you're still trying to get me to hate him. It's ridiculous. It's like, you're so insecure about yourself that the only way you'll be happy is if you get us to hate him. That's not right. Do you think I like being put in the situation to take sides? You're BOTH my parents. I'm not going to. I can make my own choices on who I want in my life. And I don't think I should look up to you for "guidance". You haven't been the best role model for me. You're hypocritical and so fucking self-centered. You cheated and kicked him out. How can you sit there and be so happy with your life with the knowledge of breaking someone's heart, and completely crushing him down into the gutter? He's never been able to recover from that, and now, he has Josh and I. And even now, you try to brainwash and manipulate us into hating him, for something that YOU did. It's not fair to him, nor me. This always happens. It seems like you try to take away the most important things in my life. I don't care about money. I never have. I don't care about having nice things. It would be nice, don't get me wrong, but I could live without them. All I want is happiness. And to be completely honest, I haven't been happy in this house. I never have. I have all the nice things and money, and it's gotten me nowhere. You say you did this "for us". No, you did this for yourself, because if you did this for us, you wouldn't have put me through all this heartache of a fucked up family. I think it's sad that they are willing to forgive you for every fucked up thing you've done to them, yet you're too stubborn to work things out and you won't grow the balls to even talk to him. Please be the grown up for once in your life and take responsibility for your actions, and end this. I'm so sick of the same shit every day.

I love you. But seriously, I can't be okay with you until you end this...